


Moon hates everything

by Arctic_Pheonix



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Crack, Crazy character, F/F, Not so Silent Protagonist, Pokemafia, Pokemon, Silent Protagonist, the world sucks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 04:46:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20772764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arctic_Pheonix/pseuds/Arctic_Pheonix
Summary: Ever wonder what really happens in all those universes your creat where the character is named something stupid? No? Well too bad, you get to learn the kind of hell they go through.Moon was planning on journeying through Kanto but apparently, Asshat’s going through Alola.fan-fucking-tastic!





	Moon hates everything

Moon wasn’t happy. Her mother had decided to move to Alola which ruined all her plans. She had convinced Prof. Oak to let her start with a Zoura, had passed all the tests and filled in the paperwork. She was going to ditch and head up to Kalos, or maybe Galor, she hadn’t quite decided. Now she was in a new region that lacked a gym challenge and was an island chain.

To make things worse, the professor was apparently some surfer dude that was far too obsessed with his research. Not like the professor was Moon’s problem, she didn’t care about his research, not like he was her official sponsor. Of course, Moon would be assisting Prof. Oak in his research while she was in Alola, she did owe the guy. She’d be getting her starter today, and probably trading it for a Zoura as soon as possible.

“‘Yawn’ Hey mom.” Moon sat down and quickly pulled the bowl of cereal to herself. The pair hadn’t finished unpacking, well Moon was mostly just moving a few things into her travel pack.

“Oh, good morning Asshat!” Moon froze. Her mother never called anyone names, let alone her own daughter. What was going on?

“Uh, mom, what’d you call me?” Moon had a bad feeling about this. Out of everyone, it could be it was her own mother.

“Just your name,” The doorbell rang, “Oh could you get that.”

Moon stood wordlessly and moved to the door. She was out of it, how did you deal with your mother declaring Asshat to be your name? What made her mother think that? Moon hoped there was something she could do about it.

“Oh hey, welcome to Alola. What’s your name?” Moon blinked up at the shirtless Professor and muttered out her name, “Asshat? That’s an odd name.”

“What? No! My name’s Moon.” What the hell? Why did he think she said asshat, she was certain that she’d said her own name. Someone was definitely messing with her. Asshat doesn’t even sound similar to Moon.

“Yes, that’s what I said, Asshat.” Kukui looked confused for a moment before shrugging it off. Kids these days. It wasn’t even insulting, it was said with zero malice. Moon hated it even more due to that.

“No it’s- know what, never mind.” Moon wasn’t in the mood for this now, “So I guess I won't be able to start with a Zoura.”

“Are you still upset about that? Look I’m sorry but we can’t risk it right now,” Moon hated that excuse. She’d earned the right but because Alola was under watch from the league they wouldn’t allow it. Whatever, She already had a solution. They said a Zoura was too dangerous even though it’s illusion abilities had gotten it voted as one of the best alternate starters.

“I already hate this region.” Moon had spoken out loud on purpose. She was hoping he’d say something, the professor didn’t react. “Did you not hear me?”

Kukui once more made no indication he’d heard her. Great so first her plans are ruined her starter ripped from her hands and her name changed but now people won't acknowledge her. This sucked already.

(==Later==)

It turned out things were worse, no one heard her say her real name. Most didn’t acknowledge what she said very often. Moon had eventually encountered a Pikachu. Moon had also discovered upon getting her Zoura that her Pokemon can hear her. The Pikachu immediately got protective and threatened to attack anyone that did anything to hurt her. He wasn’t a fan of the first totem they faced. She made quick work of the challenges and quickly got off the island where this all started. Moon sought out one of the few reasons why this move was bearable, Dewpider. Alright fine, she had an odd fascination with spiders, so sue her. Spiders are cool.

At least travelling around the region was fun. There was that upside and right now moon needed every upside she could get, this place sapped her joy. At least she might be able to avoid anyone knowing her name this time. If no one got an introduction they wouldn’t call her Asshat.

“Hey, Asshat!” That seemed to be the voice of Hau, her self declared rival. He needed to leave like a week ago if you asked Moon. The boy was somehow the second worst part of her journey entirely.

“Fuck.” What? Moon was eleven and no one reacted, you expected her to not swear? You need to step out of your fantasy world there pal. This is one major development from this whole thing, a new habit she’d likely find herself unable to drop. Unfortunately, the boy seemed to want her to crush him again, must have a thing for losing. Moon wasn’t one to judge, except she was. She judged Hau very hard for this.

“That was a great battle! We’ve both improved so much!” Moon blinked at the boy. Was he stupid? Moon had dominated that battle, making switches using type advantages and stat-boosting. Hau had simply attacked with no plan.

“No, I did, you just caught more pokemon.” And as per usual Hau didn’t hear her. He probably heard something just not what she said. Sometimes people heard her but no one ever heard what she said, it was honestly more infuriating than being called Asshat all the time. She needed to move on, she’d heard of a Pokemon called Salazzle on this island and she wanted one. Fire poison sounded pretty awesome, so did poisoning steel types.

(<=Even more Later=>)

Alright so Moon was running a pokemon mafia now, that’s a thing. Her Salazzle had just told her the tale of it’s loyal all male and small army of Salandit’s threatening team Skull about moving from Moon’s turf. Neat. Moon had also learned that Pikachu was the interrogator, that had scary implications but she wasn’t going to stop them from trying to take over the island chain in her name, it’d be nice to rule. There was also a mild fear that they would resist stopping and find a new trainer to do so with.

“Hey, Asshat! I heard there was a flock of Swablu flying in!” Hau had somehow managed to get progressively worse, both at battling and not being annoying. Maybe Moon should write a research paper? ‘On the topic of worsening personality by mere existing.’ That’d be fun.

“Yeah okay, I’m gonna go over there now so fuck off.” Once again she went unheard. Hau thought she’d invited him along, god she hoped he didn’t think it was a date. More and more people had taken to calling her Asshat and when she refused to take part in the four-way free for all match they heard her agreeing. The more she stayed on these islands the more she wanted to wipe them from the ocean. What? She isn’t suicidal, just probably a serial killer in the making. She blamed whatever god wanted to get a laugh out of her life. The world honestly seemed to want her to kill it so who was she to judge?

“Asshat, how many Pokemon do you have now?” Moon loved these questions, the one asking always got the right answer no matter what she said. She once answered Kukui’s question of how she did on the trials with nothing more than the words ‘Fuck off’ and he’d heard ‘Well’.

“Abso-fucking-lutly none, now shut up you dip.” Moon’s terrible attitude was getting worse. At least if someone could hear her she’d know immediately. Another upside, that was nice. And Hau wouldn’t know when she was insulting him, another upside. She was on a roll today.

“Asshat,” Alright fine so hearing Lilie of all people say Asshat so often was kind of upside as well, “Are there any specific Pokemon you're looking to catch?”

“Metagross.” It was one of her favourite Pokemon, not quite as much as Zoroark but up there. Lilie nodded and stated that it sounded like a good choice, poor girl had no clue what she was talking about. Lilie, in general, might be an upside to this whole thing.

(<=Once again, Later=>)

Gladion was an annoying dipshit with a mini Arceus. He made no move to take advantage of that, he just had one. Type whatever was a veritable powerhouse that could fundamentally alter the planning stage of a fight and she drove it into the ground every time. He also was practically useless as Moon was fairly sure he was part of Team Skull, speaking of which...

“You have skill but you can’t beat Guzma.” Team Skull grunt number 782 or something seemed confident in that. He was wrong, Moon would easily beat Guzma. It wasn’t arrogance but rather the universe was simplistic. Moon had quickly learned that everyone was easy to predict, it was like they never learned any higher strategy for combat. Moon was one of the few who actually bothered to switch her Pokemon out and she also had some kind of divine foresight. Moon seemed to always know what her opponent was sending out next, useful and unfair not that Moon cared. If the universe wanted her to hate life it at least owed her something.

“Alright girly maybe we can keep you around after this.” Oh, great Guzma was talking, maybe she could rip out his vocal cords and make a jump rope? And he was still going on, maybe he’d stop after she kicked his ass.

(<=Are you surprised? Later=>)

Moon was not having fun! The Aether Foundation was, as it turns out, totally evil! Unexpected! Well not really, it was kind of obvious to anyone that watched too many movies. Uhh, upside! Upside! Oh! She found Lilie’s mother, no that wasn’t an upside either. This was hard damn it! She had to get out of here. The world wanted something out of her, she was sure of it at this point.

“Hello Asshat, how nice of you to join me.” Moon glanced around the room at all the frozen statues of pokemon.

“Your a sick fucking psycho.” Moon almost wanted to hurl at what she saw. This was terrible, who could have such terrible taste in Pokemon? Lilie’s mother, whatever her name was, needed some serious help. Alright, so Moon’s world view might have been fundamentally altered over her journey. Not like it was her fault she hated the world, maybe the world should be less of a shitshow.

“That may be Asshat but I’m still winning.” What did the blonde bimbo think Moon had said? Eh not important, finish her now wonder later. Still needed an upside!

“Moon!”  _ What the fuck? _ Was that Lilie? How did she do that? Whatever, upside found! Maybe now Lilie will react to Moon constantly making out with her. Another upside! God, the world was looking up.

“Ah, my daughter.” Oh right, world-ending threat. Should deal with that, all Moon’s stuff was on the world.

“Oh hey, Lilie, what’s up? I’m just here you know…” Moon looked back at the blonde girl, “Trying to not get killed by your mother. Was she always so batshit crazy?”

“Yes. Why couldn’t I ever hear you before?” Lilie seemed genuinely confused.

“I will not stop just because you asked me to daughter!” Well fuck, that wasn’t even close to what Lilie said. Oh, man was the universe fucking with Lilie now too?

(==You know perfectly well==)

Lilie was laughing maniacally as the pokecenter burned. She broke far faster than Moon. That was worrying. Moon couldn’t help but laugh along, after all, they lit the building up in broad daylight in front of multiple witnesses and all they saw were team Skull bitchs doing it.

“Well, that was fun.” Lilie held their prize, and reason for burning the building. A healing machine. Was burning the center to the ground for it excessive? Fuck yes, that was the point. Lilie had three Pokeballs at her waist. No one believed she had any Pokémon at all, it was fantastic.

“Oh man, that was great. The way the building just went up, so awesome.” Of course, their main motivation was that apparently, this center had snuffed Moon’s little pokemafia, that wasn’t allowed. “Wanna go freeze the ocean?”

“Do I?” There was that glint of insanity that Moon loved so much. Time to freeze a fucking ocean! That’s another one off the bucket list. Now, what’s next on the list after that? Mass amounts of explosives? Cool. “Hey Moon, should we maybe buy a house? I mean we carry all our things everywhere and your mafia needs a base of operation.”

“Lilie, have I ever told you how much I love you?” Lilie smiled at that. The girl loved hearing those words from Moon.

“Always,” and with that, the two set off to achieve their goals.

**Author's Note:**

> ... I did this.
> 
> I don't regret a thing. I might continue writing for this but It'll be a side project. And yes, the Moon/Lilie ship just happened, wasn't planned but whatever. This was just an idea spawned from my Sun run were I trade my starter for a zoura asap cause my friend named my character Asshat.
> 
> I'm looking for a new beta or 2 if your interested just let me know over twitter, DM's preferably. If you're looking for pay... This is a hobby I'm not paying someone to edit my hobby (I'm also broke as fuck so...). Again I don't need one, just want one. Twitter (Let me know if this works): https://twitter.com/BlazingDusk
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, tell me what you think. Want more? Tell me, want less? Well, I can't really do that but tell me, want me to get the fuck out of the fandom? Tell me so I can inform you that you're a fucking dick.


End file.
